Courting

I just came accross a topic on a forum on the Sun website: What is love? I found myself compelled to reply, even going so far as to attempting to register! Instead I decided to document my own musings privately (or relatively so.)

What is love?

I used to ask myself this question a few years ago. I think its an infinite combination of personal charachteristics, traits, realisations, acceptance, altruism and devotion.

Love is accepting that people aren't perfect, and never will be. Upon ones first furore into the world wide human cattle market, we absent mindedly seek perfection. It is only when you realise, "endlich", that it doesn't exist, do you realise that you are in love. Love means accepting faults and growing to love them. The things that in the first few months would make you want to tear your hair out now makes your heart swell, because imperfections in people highlight their individuality and the uniqueness of a relationship.

Love is being angry with someone and immediately regretting the situation ever arose. It's a case of even if they are in the wrong, you wish you could erase it from your memory, because to be feuding with one another isn't worth the waste of breath. You will be angry inside but it will be pushed away, wanting to recapture the precursory bliss. I suppose this is a bit sadist - neglecting "recht" in favour of love and peace. Maybe it is a sign of not loving ones self enough to accept the dangerous realities. Or maybe, it is the forgiving nature of love.

Love is so much more complicated than wild meadows and sweet heart-warming gestures. It is a taxing thing which pre-occupies the mind. In my personal experience, when people fall deeply in love, they don't look after themselves; they become ill, they neglect their health. They are so overwhelmed by these incredible feelings combined with this incredible new outlook on life that mundane things, like booking a doctor's appointment or eating something other than takeaway for dinner (i.e something that takes up more than 5 minutes) is a waste of precious time that one cannot get back. You eventually settle, you realise your foot is probably broken or your teeth are falling out, and its back to reality. Those first few months are life-threatening!

Someone on the forum said that people must be in love when they marry - so why do so many marriages break down? It's either a lifelong partnership or not, ending in divorce. But the fact is people aren't always marrying out of pure devotion for their significant other. Can you say 'Marriage of Convenience?' Sadly this is sometimes the case. All in all, marriage failure is like love in that there are countless contributing factors. But I think to remain happy you must not become complacent. Don't start taking things for granted & don't think you don't have to make the effort anymore. Lately I have been thinking that marriage is either the cherry on the cake or the final kick in the teeth; it affects couples differently. And it is terrifying to think that we do not know which applies to us until we have already said I DO! One thing surely is a given: if you were in love once, why can't it always be like that? Admittedly people change and grow but surely without a personality transplant the basic attributes remain? At least I hope that's the case.

Anyway I could rant all day and all night but I've got some literature from the middle ages to be reading so I'd better get cracking!

xx